Friday, 30 April 2010

It's A Dalek, Dahling



Daleks: The Next Generation
We have a new Doctor Who from the BBC. For anyone who doesn't know Doctor Who; think Star Trek without the money, or the adverts. Back in the 60s, the BBC couldn't afford a proper spaceship so they gave him the TARDIS. It looks like an old phone box left over from another film 'because the cloaking mechanism is broken'. Ha!

In another cunnning money-saving plot device, the Doctor 'regenerates' (i.e. they change the actor) when the current incumbent gets too big for his boots and wants more money. The new guy looks suitably weird; he weights about 80 pounds, has bow legs you could drive a train through, and a nose of surprising proportions. Captain Kirk it ain't.

And where Captain Kirk has 400 minions available to die on demand, the Doctor can only afford one assistant. Although he is a right-on equal-opportunity employer (this being the BBC), as luck would have it, this usually turns out to be a top-notch babe in a mini-skirt. Not that I'm complaining or aything.

The crew of the Enterprise weekly face Klingons, Romulans, Borg and Tribbles. The Doctor's nemesis? The terrifying Daleks; the ultimate evil in the universe. They may look like inverted compost bins on casters, but don't be fooled; they are TERRIBLY DANGEROUS. Armed with the Plunger of Doom, and a whisk, they strike fear into the hearts of their foes, plus, they never have blocked toilets, and their coffee is always nicely frothy.

The Daleks' sworn ambition is to master the universe, or at least those bits of it without stairs. Time and again they've come head-to-head with the Doctor, and lost, his sonic screwdriver (yes, really) proving too powerful for them. Check out this gut-wrenching clip, unless you're the faint-hearted type. They strike fear into the hearts of all who encounter them, including me1.

Until now. Because the Daleks, like the Doctor, have had a makeover. Do you remember how BMWs went all fat and fussy-looking a few years back? I think the Beeb employed the same designer. Daleks are now corpulent and strangely bulgy. Gone is the indestructible galaxy-defying plywood; now they have plastic trim, like an entry-level Subaru. Gone is the Emperor Ming Shiny Black and Certain Extinction Silver colour scheme. Now they're orange, blue and green. They're Mighty Morphin' Power Daleks. Dare I say it? They look a bit girly.

But some things never change. The BBC may have been tempted to compensate by arming the new Daleks with Zombie Death Rays and Terawatt Ion Cannons. But bless 'em, they kept the plunger. And the whisk.



1 - When I was six

17 comments:

  1. Terribly frightening. Loved the Monty Python dub.

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  2. I don't care much about the new Doctor, but I loved the Weeping Angels the first time that I saw them. They weren't so good this time around.
    Saturday nights used to be good, but there is only Wipeout that I really enjoy now, and that is mainly because I have a bit of a thing about Richard Hammond!

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  3. WHAT? They redesigned the DALEKS? They can't do that? Remember when they were terrifying but at least you knew all you had to do to escape a Dalek attack was run up some stairs because you know...they couldn't climb stairs? That was their saving grace. Then THEY LEARNED TO LEVITATE ensuring I never slept again. And now they're MULTI COLOURED AND BULGY? WTF? I want to see one.

    PS I once met a life sized Dalek in W.H. Smith in Nottingham. He was there to do a promotion. I was thumbing through magazines and he came up behind me and Dalekly informed me to put the magazine down. I nearly shat in my pants.

    PPS I want one of those dresses from the photo. That is CLASS!

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  4. Is that a picture of Dalek totty? I suppose they must good at giving handjobs.

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  5. I love me some Daleks!

    I love me some Doctor. The new guy? I'm undecided. He seems kind of pale and puny. He has a hard act to follow.

    I'm a big Peter Davison fan. His doctor had a Tardis full of companions!

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  6. as dreadful as tv shows here.

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  7. I tried to watch this the other night and was scared shitless because there were these little heads inside a fortune teller booth of sorts and the bastards CAME ALIVE by way of I'm sure, BBC cryogenics and freaked me the fuck out.

    I put on Home Shopping Network immediately.

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  8. I love Doctor Who, and when I saw the new Daleks the other night I just shrieked with laughter! If they'd all be red it would have been ok, but they really looked like a packet of skittles had spilt on the floor!

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  9. Hey 'Grumpy! I rather liked the new Daleks, though they looked like the lovechild of a Dyson hoover and a Porsche. But their new fat arses were comical. DOK-TOR! DOES MY PLUN-GER LOOK BIIG. IIN. THIIIIIS?! By the way, did you know that Roy Skelton who did the voice of Zippy on Rainbow was the main voice actor for the Daleks for years?! Surreal! Indigo

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  10. Exactly what I thought; 'Bloody hell, its the power rangers'. *Sigh*

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  11. Oooooh... must have dalek costume!

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  12. I remember when the Doctor was played by Sylvester McCoy- that's when i used to watch Doctor Who. 20 years ago! Ha. Daleks used to scare the beejesus out of me. Kids today just shrug when a dalek comes on the screen. Rubbish.

    And i completely agree- the current Doctor is a right ugly b- well, you know the rest! :)

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  13. Are these Daleks into curly wurlys, twiglets, neither or both?
    Cheers,
    Robyn

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  14. I feel like all you'd really have to do to defeat a Dalek is sneak up on it and then push it on its side. Have you ever seen a Dalek fall and then stand back up? I don't think so.

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  15. TheMiniGrump8 May 2010 09:20

    IT'S MORPHIN' TIME

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  16. TheMiniGrump8 May 2010 09:21

    IT'S MORPHIN' TIME

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  17. Wow....I need to watch more tv. I thought the picture was of Viking women.

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