Tuesday, 25 May 2010

British Politics Explained

Well, actually, no it isn't
British politics has got a bit strange. First of all, who on earth is Nick Clegg? Here's who:

Nick Clegg, of the Lib Dem persuasion
Has ambitions to rule the whole nation
But he's out of the race
Unless we embrace
Proportional representation

But lucky Nick gets to lord it over the big bruising Tory and Labour parties, since whoever he pals up with gets to form a government. Let's sum it up with a natty rhyme:

Nick Clegg, amongst pigs just a piglet
Points the finger of power! Watch him wiggle it
Tory or Labour?
What a moment to savour!
Draw straws? Or perhaps just a Twiglet

So he went with the Tories, as they have a nicer office, and we now have a coalition. What does this mean? Here goes:

Nick Clegg, now assistant PM
Is brimming with vigour and phlegm
The Lords out of steam!
A new voting regime!
Incidentally, favouring Lib Dem

Here comes that posh David Cameron!
At Downing Street's door he comes hammerin'
With his wife, cat and dog,
The kids, the pet frog
At this rate he won't get his grandma in

And as for the previous lot:

Gordon Brown, that old one-eyed campaigner,
Makes room for a fresher chicaner1
But soon, post-vacation
He'll deliver oration
If you pay him a handsome retainer

1 - Well, if chicanery is a word, then the person who does it must be a chicaner. Right?


  1. Young George was almost in heaven
    When they moved him to number eleven
    But he found, to his cost,
    That he was quite lost
    'Cos he didn't know eight times seven.

  2. I don't know who runs this country anymore! Talk about The Mad Hatters Tea-Party.....all change!!!
    No change at all, just more mayhem.
    Just watching the State Opening, and what a palaver that is!
    I wonder why it's left to us to pay for and why the Queer Old Dean doesn't step in?

    Play nicely, children!

  3. It is when you have legs like that... I'm guessing they belong to David Cameron.

  4. I'm hoping it's better than our two-party system, or it's never going to work.

  5. Now that you've put it that way, it does make sense.

  6. "Nick Clegg, now assistant PM
    Is brimming with vigour and phlegm"

    I think you might be the modern-day Kipling.

    *might be*

  7. Brilliant, Uber! :) Goes to show that loathing politicians is an international phenomen!!

  8. I like Nick Clegg, he's really good on television. I'm really glad he's in charge now, telly would be boring without him.

  9. Oh my. I'm so glad you can write poetry about politicians. I wouldn't know where to start.

  10. I don't know about any of this, but you've inspired me to vote for anyone who runs as a chicaner.

  11. Hey 'Grumpy! Fine work sir, glad to have you back.

    My favourite moment of the post-election turmoil was Mr. Hague facing the cameras and talking about all the fabulous things the Conservatives wanted to do, but (with a martyr's pained expression) implied that the only thing those tedious LibDems wanted to discuss was electoral reform.

    Lord Hague, in a suit coloured charcoal
    Rolled his eyes and declared a debacle
    LibDems, as was norm
    Would just talk reform
    Coalition had quite lost its sparkle

    Sorry, best I can do at the drop of a hat.


  12. Only you could use the word Phlegm and make it interesting.

  13. Oh uber...you make me laugh so hard.

  14. Vicus ~ Thank you! Mustn't forget Boy George...

    Alice ~ Never a dull moment, though, eh?

    Mini ~ Correct!

    Sarah ~ It isn't, and it doesn't, alas

    IT ~ It does? Cool!

    mo ~ My Dad's favourite joke; "Do you like Kipling?" "I don't know, I've never Kippled." I like it too

    RA ~ It is indeed!

    RT ~ Stop watching telly and get back to work

  15. RefGeek ~ Have a go! I reckon you'd be awesome

    Robyn ~ Isn't that all of 'em?

    Indigo ~ Respect! You might have missed out on the opportunity to rhyme 'Hague' with 'vague' and 'renegue' though...

    JennyM ~ Not so nice on its own though eh? Yuck

    JenJen ~ Happy to return the favour, as you've had me laughing for well nigh a year now - keep it coming

  16. This was brilliant, Ubergrump! Loved it. I still can't get used to seeing all the Tories and Lib Dems squashed together in Parliament! :)

  17. Yoo Hoo......so good to read your "stuff" again!! Long time no contact. I have finished my manuscript, run a marathon and adopted a dog since I was last blogging. Now, I am back!Kisses. Kate

  18. Yes, but aren't they handsome boys? Much beloved by grannies.

  19. Political news can be dull,
    with the interest level at null
    but bung in a rhyme
    and given the time
    and I am sure to make a comment or two about it eventually.

  20. You never disappoint, Uber. Even when I haven't a clue what you are saying, you still make me laugh.

    BTW....I finally answered that tag you tagged me with eons ago. It was a little stale with age, so I popped it in the microwave for a minute and it was a good as new post.

  21. Award for you at my place. No rules attached!
    The Good Girls

  22. Are you still with us? Hope all well.

  23. Wher have all the guitars gone,long time .....?

  24. Hey 'Grumpy! Where you gone? We miss you! Indigo

  25. Uhm yeah.... I am your illigitimate daughter from that one time when you [evidently] sneezed on my Mother.

    Anyway, It's time for me to go to university! I hope to get a PHd.

    Mum told me it was about time you paid for something,so do you think you can get your house sold for Sept? Dad? :)

  26. Where are you? Come out, come out, wherever you are!!

  27. Nice article, thanks for the information.

  28. where'd grumpy go???

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