You probably know that sellng chewing gum is illegal in Singapore (fine: S$100,000). You may not know other things are forbidden; Feeding Pigeons (S$500), Walking Around Naked (S$2,000), Singing Obscene Songs (3 months in sing-sing), Annoying People With A Musical Instrument (S$1,000), and so on. The Walking Around Naked rule actually includes your own house. I didn't check on Walking On Cracks In The Pavement, or Wearing A Loud Shirt In A Built-up Area, but I bet they're frowned on too.
Which has left me feeling a tad rebellious. Not that I'm proposing a nude banjo-backed rendition of Anarchy in the UK while feeding Juicy Fruit to pigeons in the Botanic Gardens; but it's so delicious to break the rules. Just a bit.
Be careful though. Caught littering three times? Pick up trash weekly, wearing a bib saying "I am a litterer." (You'll struggle, mind, because there isn't any to pick up.) Graffiti? Caning. Drugs? Death. Blimey. I took all my Imodium on the plane in, just in case. Bonus: the Failing To Flush A Public Toilet rule (S$150) is unlikely to affect me.
I miss an early opportunity for rebellion. We are staying with Mrs G's little sis and hubby, who treat us to a sumptuous dinner in a swanky rooftop place. No Twiglets here. Dress code: long trousers. I obey. But there are three guys there brazenly and blatantly flouting the rules in shorts. Buccaneers or what! But the meal, view, and company are top-notch, so I mellow out. My turn will come.
And then little sis takes us on a walking tour of notable Singapore neighbourhoods. It's not all high-rise and superpowered here; there are elegant streets from a bygone era, now protected by the government, and very desirable, so colossally expensive. Little sis knows a byzantine route that takes in the best of them; but she likes to move quickly, and she is French, so crosses the road where she will. Whoosh! Ooh la la!
In other words, little sis is a world-class jaywalker (S$2,000). This is cool. Vive la revolution!
I quickly learn an unwritten Singapore rule; the more your vehicle is worth, the worse you drive. Since even a Toyota Hybrid Roller-skate costs as much as a small house in Basingstoke, the average standard is, well, bracing. And on our walk the vehicles are premium. In the first hour I am almost run over by a Rolls-Royce, a Ferrari, and a Maserati. What a way to go!
It's a mighty workout, but we eventually find ourselves back at little sis's, in perfect time for lunch (did I mention that she's French?). First, a well-earned shower. Off with the sweaty kit, but I close the curtains first. Wouldn't want to offend the neighbours.
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