A lick of paint, a trip to Ikea and we'll be sorted
Dear Papa UG,
First of all, I hope you are having a lovely holiday with Mama UG and MicroGrump. I am missing you a lot. You said you'd check the blog often, so I thought this was a great way to tell you my wonderful news - I met somebody!
We met online. Isn't Facebook wonderful? He is very lovely and I can't wait for you to meet. His name is Utbah. He's a little older than me but is very handsome.
He flew over straight away, just to meet me. Well I thought that since he came all this way, the least I could do would be to let him buy me a coffee! Although we have only known each other for a week, he has swept me off my feet. Don't be cross but - we are getting married! He proposed (over that coffee - amazing huh?) and of course, I just had to said yes, which was lucky, since he had nowhere to stay.
I wasn't sure at first, but he said we shouldn't wait, so we will be man and wife by the time you are home- isn't that fantastic? I won't be his first wife - he's a bit coy but apparently has several already. So he's well able to look after me, since he has plenty of experience.
But don't worry. We won't be a burden on you, he has a house in Saudi Arabia where we will be moving to soon. He wants to be closer to his children- he has 12, isn't that nice? You'll have 12 instant grandchildren who you can visit any time you like. If you can get a visa.
I have quit college already, you don't have to worry about that! Utbah has said he will provide for me, he also told me that he never went to school so I don't need to either. And apparently women don't need qualifications where he lives. I thought that was a very fair point, so I dropped out yesterday.
I can't wait for you to meet him. However, the flight we booked to Saudi Arabia is the day before you get back from your holiday, he thought it would be easier for me to leave without any tearful goodbyes (I know how you get) -so I probably won't get time to see you until the Summer. Or Ramadan.
So, I love you Papa UG, and goodbye- see you in a couple of months. You never know, the baby may be showing by then.
Lots of love, The MiniGrump Xx
P.S. None of the above is true, but I had a party and someone spilt IrnBru on the new beige carpet upstairs. Sorry.
What! What!
ReplyDeleteKick a man when he's down, then kick him again. First I think I've married you off without having to pay a red cent, then I find it's all a fib. And I have to buy a new carpet.
And IrnBru? What's wrong with kids today? When we were young we drank vodka, white wine and lager. None of which stain.
And another thing. It's not beige, it's taupe. Your Mum is spitting tacks. You wait until we get home. grrrr
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely love this. Just going to read it out to my husband to make him laugh.
ReplyDeleteha! so funny. mini is obviously smart and probably got that from you!
ReplyDeleteThis is absolutely, the best freakin' post I've seen in a while!! Love it! :)
ReplyDeleteThe Grumps are great for laughter! Your family's the best. Mini, you are welcome to stay here with me in CA until Uber calms down about the carpet. Only problem is, we don't have twiglets or curly wurlys. Would you please bring some? A lot, please! Your pops never did forward any, despite my begging and pleading.
ReplyDeletexo Robyn
HAHAHA Mini Grump is awesome. lol
ReplyDeleteThe apple doesn't fall far from the tree!
ReplyDeleteLMAO You guys are a riot! :D What a wonderfual way to wake up to a new week. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteWHO SPILT IRN-BRU?
ReplyDeleteVery funny post! Look forward to hearing more from MiniG in the future....and there's a MicroGrump too?
ReplyDeleteAnd Micro Grump plays proper music too, with nary a guitar in sight
ReplyDeleteBeige coloured carpets. No wonder you're grumpy.
ReplyDeleteWith 12 instant grandchildren you can't really complain can you?
ReplyDeleteWhat? YOU'RE marrying Utbah? I met him first!
ReplyDeleteOh, you're fibbing? Phew. I was getting worried.
We have taupe carpet, too. It goes well with cat hair.
Brilliant just brilliant! Post again soon
ReplyDeleteKate xxhttp://secretofficeconfessions.blogspot.com
That is FABOOSH!
ReplyDelete(hope UG is enjoying his holiday)
To think I've been missing every post you've written in 2010 because I foolishly bookmarked a particular post - The Blood Donor - and not the blog itself. Worse, I assumed your blood-letting experience had weakened you to the point of being unable to lift finger to keyboard. Many apologies. What penance do you prescribe? Please, please don't let it be temporary exile to Wales or bread and Irn Bru for a month.
ReplyDeleteAs usual, your shining wit shone through!
ReplyDeleteSo, a probable Wedding to arrange! Irn Bru all around to toast the happy couple!
No, I didn't mean toast in that way...oh, just go and have a drink and a lie down for a while!
Banish the Young Urbers off to the wilds of Wales for a while! My friend, Owain, will look after them at Boot Camp!
Brilliant post!
ReplyDeleteHow crazy did he go about the carpet stain? Or was the sheer relief of you not being up the duff to a travelling salesman on a camel enough to save you?
what a shame its a luxary home okay maybe not
ReplyDelete