Much better than the real thing
Front page news! Local bars are now to begin using plastic glasses and bottles instead of glass. This is a good thing, according to the local constabulary. I entirely agree; use of plastic means that the local yoof can now knock seven bells out of each other every weekend in complete safety. You might even argue that the use of plastic is an inspiring call to arms; the establishment that uses it is obviously expecting trouble, so let's not disappoint them.
But there are other, less obvious, advantages. Once the 'glasses' wear in a bit, the rough surfaces become quite absorbent, leading to the retention of some interesting flavours. You may order a 'glass' of water, but if the previous user of the 'glass' drank, say, a Pernod and Blackcurrant (a popular drink in the 70s so its return is imminent), and the user before that drank, ooh, a Babycham (ditto, except it was never all that popular), then imagine the subtle tastes that will leach into the water. Mmmm.
But not so fast. As the airline industry knows all too well, the most innocent items can become weapons. Shoes and belts can be pretty scary, as can nail scissors. A friend of mine had the immobiliser removed from his car keys as he boarded a flight, rendering his car useless, but hey, he flew in the knowledge that he was safe. Probably.
But I digress. The point here is to issue a warning about the dangers of plastic glasses. What's to stop some enterprising soul filling one with stones and knocking the opposition on the head? Or holding their nose in a 'glass' full of beer until they drown? Or focussing the rays of the sign into a dangerous spot of heat?
So here's a modest and envrionmentally sound suggestion. The pub of the future should serve drinks from cardboard containers. (If we can pee into them in hospital, then surely we can hold a drink in them for a while.) We could print useful public health messages on the glass, like 'alcohol is harmful to your health' or 'bumping into tables gives you bruises'.
Me? I'll stay at home and watch a film. With a glass of wine. From a glass. Cheers.