Merry Christmas everyone!

Always dress warmly
during cold weather

Not grumpy today, no sirree. I am lifted from the drudgery of a visit to Sainsburys by the sight of the new Christmas chocolate biscuit range. Festive cheer already! We can have three whole months of celebrating, and I for one can hardly wait.

Whilst examining the sumptuous new range I overheard an old lady asking a cheerful storeperson where the gardening range was. His response was that such things are seasonal, and therefore no longer stocked. So she can take heart too. Autumn is traditionally a very busy time in the garden, but this year she can kick back and enjoy a premature Yuletide Chocolate Hobnob.

Since the biscuits are in already, I wonder what other seasonal delights await. Let me guess. Soon we will be able to load up on Spiderman Holiday Calendars, since Advent calendars are horribly old-fashioned, two-dimensional and just not calorific enough. Our pets will enjoy their very own stockings; hilarious novelty items will send us giggling round the aisles; we can be astounded at forty-seven different varieties of Christmas cracker; baubles for the tree, checked by the HSE, will ensure a shiny but safe holiday for our loved ones.

If we think this is all too gluttonous, then we can salve any guilt by chucking a tin of Basics Tinned Tomatoes into the Basics Bank. So all those poor and homeless people can enjoy three months of relentless jollity too. Share the love!