So many books, so little time
There’s a top-banana craze sweeping the blogosphere; micro-fiction Friday. Or something. Go see Galen or Susan At Stony River for a better definition. Anyway, you have to write a story in exactly 55 words, and then fabulous prizes await. Well, I’m slow to catch on, but quick to catch up. Here’s my effort. I’m not creative enough to write my own story, but to make up for it, I’ve nicked not one, but four! Enjoy.
Celebrated Fantasy Trilogy
Bilbo, 111! Gandalf persuades: “It’s up to you Frodo. Take the ring. And Sam.”
The fellowship sets off. Legolas etc. fight well. Look out Boromir! Gandalf, dead!
Many battles ensue. Yawn. Gandalf’s back. Surprise!
Soon, hobbits and Gollum reach Mordor. It’s really dirty.
Chuck the ring in! No! Yes! No! Ow, my finger!
The end.
Shakespearean Epic
Montague and Capulet, always at it. But Romeo meets Juliet, now also at it, but in a nice way.
“Wherefore art thou? It’s dark down there”.
“Here! Marriage?”
“Yes!”
Angry Tybalt slayeth Mercutio. Romeo slayeth Tybalt back. Juliet feigneth death! Romeo, fooled, toppeth himself! Juliet awakens and joins him, silly girl. Chastened families apologize.
Tragic.
Popular But Tedious Thriller
French curator murdered! Langdon investigates, with sexy Sophie. Enigmatic code; scratch head; solved!
Clever old da Vinci hides clues. Hidden for millennia! Langdon uncovers all in about two days! Crikey, he’s clever. Or lucky.
Despite nasty self-harming monk, bishop, pope, church, etc., Langdon uncovers amazing secret! Jesus had kids. Big deal. Why all the secrecy?
Sci-Fi Classic
Vader captures Leia! Kiss the revolution goodbye. But Luke, trained by Obi-Wan, fights back! Take that, Death Star! Boom!
Many aliens and ludicrous teddy bears later, Yoda fulfils Luke’s Jedi training. Nice moves.
Sod that, says Darth, I’ll build another Death Star. But Luke is too powerful! Boom again!
Luke, I am your father! *croak*
Grumpy funny man, good writer, boom!
ReplyDeletegrumpy, good ones, ha ha ha!
ReplyDeleteYou really should become a film critic UG. Now do me the same for me favourite film Jaws. I would be interested to hear it?
ReplyDeleteOMG These are great!! ROFL at Tina's comment.
ReplyDeleteYou gotta do this every Friday now (oh PLEASE please please). It's not my meme, it's Galen's, and it's called Friday Flash 55. Do it do it do it!!
Tina and Sarah ~ Thank you, mesdames
ReplyDeleteDan ~ Jaws, eh? How's this:
Quiet swim? No Chance. Chomp! Should’ve worn a bikini.
Mayor in denial. But Brody insists: Propeller my arse; it’s a great white!
Swim, families, insists evil mayor in 70’s check suit. Chomp! Goodbye leg.
The hunt’s on, in a rotten boat. Chomp! We’re sinking! Quick, chuck the oxygen canister in! Now shoot!
Ka-Pooow! Teeth everywhere
Susan ~ Thank you! What does ROFL mean? Rock On Funky Lizard? I just can't work it out.
Galen, eh? Will correct.
Ok, now do Twilight!
ReplyDeletehoney I snorted whilst reading this.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant!
BugginWord ~ Alas, I am the only person in the Western hemisphere who hasn't seen Twilight. But working from the synopsis:
ReplyDeleteBella (Wow! gorgeous) befriends Edward (Wow! gorgeous). Flip! Cold fingers. He’s a vampire, but luckily, vegetarian.
Can it get any dumber? Yes. Bad vampires hijack baseball. James (Wow! gorgeous) wants BellaBurger! He’ll never give up!
Exciting chases, and some cool violence. Bella bit! Suck her, Edward! James minced, and barbecued. Happy ending! Or is it?
JenJen ~ Thank you! You snorted honey? I like mine on toast, or a crumpet
('Roll On Floor Laughing'. as in, I LOLed so hard I ROFLed.)
ReplyDeleteAlso, you totally missed out Jacob (Wow! what a FITTY) who is, incidentally, a werewolf.
Gripping stuff.
Oh, you think you are nor creative enough to write your own story? That's a Sunday surprise for me.
ReplyDeleteI'm too much of a rambler to cut it down to that many words. But it would be cool to do!
ReplyDeleteI think you may have a career writing Cliff Notes!
ReplyDeleteExcellent Job Uber-Man
ReplyDeleteCome see me on Fridays from now on and you'll have LOTS of comments....
Thanks for visiting...G
Note to self; Do not drink whilst reading UberGrumpy's blog unless I wish to have my nostrils washed with hot coffee.
ReplyDeleteYou kill me, UG. No seriously, you almost killed me. :-)
stinker
ReplyDeleteI can't believe you think the Ewoks are ludicrous. Traitor.
ReplyDeleteMini ~ What's a FITTY?
ReplyDeleteBBG ~ Ahem
MiMi ~ Go on, give it a try!
RefGeek ~ Yeah, I love Cliff, and Hank, and the Shadows
G-Man ~ Willco
Marla ~ Ow! Sorry
JenJen ~ Sorry again. It's the divvil in me
mo ~ Actually I meant Chewtobacco
Good stuff. I shall return.
ReplyDeleteVery entertaining from someone claiming to be grumpy - it seems it isn't just a false rumour, and grumpy really is the new happy. So the older I get, the happier I am!
ReplyDeleteps - have you tackled War and Peace in 55 words?
Hey, Ubergrumpy - I'm booked to sign at Waterstones in Winchester on 20th March. Thank you for asking.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, it's a poorly kept secret that the grumpy middle-aged teacher in CUT SHORT is me...
Read your blog. Could not believe that you could produce such lyrical and deathless prose. The Reduced Shakespeare Company would be, what's the word, not proud, certainly. Amazed, maybe. I note, with dismay, that you have not tackled the divine Jane [Austen].
ReplyDeleteHere goes:
Heroine goes in search of love, marries money, finds love. Fin.
Comment and book - 55 words...
Matthew ~ Welcome! And thank you for raising the tone with an excellent word like 'shall'
ReplyDeleteLeigh ~ I concede defeat! See you on 20/3
BP ~ Welcome back! I knew you'd rise to the challenge. Love 'marries money'!