Thursday, 14 January 2010

Cheer Up Miserable Blog Gits

All right, no need to overdo it
Crikey, everyone's got the hump. I thought I was the grumpy one. January is apparently the saddest month but you know what? I like it.

Evenings are drawing out, and it's almost light at three p.m. Gordon Brown will only be rogering us painfully for another few months1. There's a brand new Doctor Who. And so on. See? Simply heaps of good stuff.

So here are my reasons to be cheerful:

1. I already fulfilled a new year's resolution; to lose twenty pounds. It was 'Fancy Pants' running in the 2:15 at Sandown. Surefire tip, supposedly, thank you, bloody BBC Radio 4, but she came in last, having thrown the jockey after the first furlong.

2. I bought new clothes in the sales. I can now leave them hanging up 'for best' and Mrs G won't be able to nag me about being a scruffbag.

3. I built an igloo with the kids, a lifetime's ambition. It's looking a bit wonky now, but with a bit of luck it will collapse on the cat and save us a fortune in vet's bills and cat food.

4. I figured out my new AX3000G Guitar Workstation. I pluck one note and it promptly plays the whole solo on 'Hotel California'. Now all I need is a decent vocal effects unit and I won't even need to turn up at gigs.

5. At long last I finished Stieg Larsson's third book, the strangely compelling but bloody long 'The Girl Who Liked Swedish Rumpy-Pumpy When Not Beating Up Hell's Angels And The Swedish Secret Service', featuring the least likely heroine in the mercifully short history of Swedish popular literature. I'm now moving on to something snappier, like War And Peace, or the phone book.

6. It's still snowing so I have an excuse not to jog, or even walk for that matter.

7. Curly-wurlies are on special at Tesco; £1.00 for 5. Run in and grab yourself a happy bargain.

There you go. My reasons for feeling as happy as the proverbial pig. What are yours?

1 - I dread to think who's next though


  1. Oh my, I love your reasons! And I love the use of the word "Scruffbag". excellent!

  2. 1. If you want to lose another 20, I'll be right beside you

    2. ...and in another 10 years you'll be able to throw them away with the tags still on them, and buy some new ones to hang in your 'best' section for the next 10 years, and so on

    3. Kill the cat, I kill you.

    4. Yes, you figured it out, and the UberGrumpy Mansion is not so sound proof, and Hotel California is no lullaby

    5. Ok, so next Christmas I'll get you something a little less boring shall I? Maybe something along these lines:

    6. But you can spend all day in the garden building up a collection of snow balls to throw at your children when they get in from school

    7. I thought you wanted to lose 20 pounds?

  3. With a bit of bad luck the igloo's collapse will simply freak the cat out and the cat will run into your wardrobe and wreck your new clothes. Not that I would get any joy or satisfaction out of that happening.

  4. It's almost a whole year 'till Christmas when we have to do it all again. Sniff.

  5. God I was a grump on a hump yesterday. I've decided to kick that whiney bitch out of my head and take on the sunshine (even at a chilly 37*F).
    I'm happy that you have mailed ME your twenty pounds in the way of curlywurlies and crunchies.
    Not nice at all.

  6. None of that list is any good. Life is still a slow, miserable procession to our eventual deaths, where the only thing we have to look forward to is the fact that when we are rotting in our graves, at least we will be able to get some decent peace and quiet.

    From a West Ham fan.


    Apologies for not commenting on your, quite frankly, disturbing photo. I have been bloglax of late. There is no excuse, I must be punished.

  7. I woke up and wasn't dead.

    So, you know, there's that.

  8. Anything that accidentally kills a cat, I'm on board with.

  9. Let's see ... my reasons to be happy ...hmmmm.

    1. Bob still finds me attractive after all these years and attacks on a regular basis. This grosses the kids out so it's a win/win situation.

    2. Most of my children think I am the best mom ever or at least that's what they say to my face which is all that really counts anyway.

    3. My animals love me ... even the cats.

    I'll start with those three for today.

  10. What? The UberGrump does not condone grumpiness in others? This is news...

  11. I'm slipping a bit with my New Year Resolutions! I'm not blogging as much as I would like, but things crop up that you just can't ignore. I promised myself that I would blog more, but I really reckon that it's time to clear out some of those who don't comment, so I'm a bit of a grump too! But there is all these followers that I don't even know who they are...they never comment...they are just THERE! I can't keep up with everyone, and this is no competition to see who can collect the most followers! So, I'm going to have a curly whirly and sulk for a while in the corner!
    Yes, we built an igloo too, but now I'm getting bored with all this snow! Yes, I love the sales, and yes, I love my kitties!
    Reasons to be Grumpy...I'm free!

  12. I don't think we get to see the new Doctor for awhile. I already miss David Tennant. They recently broadcast The End of Time on BBC America so at least we know what the new guy looks like (and of course there is the Web for that).

    I love #4 and I'll expect your book review of War and Peace next week.

  13. Pixie ~ Thank you! I made it up. I think

    Mini ~ You know, you really need to start your own blog. I'd follow it

    mo ~ Already happened. The socks are OK, luckily

    SOM ~ It's not, it's 13 months. And counting

    JenJen ~ Were you? Can't say I noticed. Ahem

    Dan ~ Bloglax. Like it...

  14. magda ~ Hello! How ya doin'?

    Mooooooooog ~ How do you know? It may be a dream

    MiMi ~ With you! We need to collaborate here. Anticats international

    Marla ~ With you on the 'gross the kids out'
    theme. It's fun isn't it?

    Nat ~ Gross hypocrisy, I know.

    Alice ~ Welcome back. I understand that 'overwhelmed' feeling; I'm married, with three kids. Don't worry, you're doing great.

    I bet my igloo is better than yours. Post a piccie, I dare you

    RefGeek ~ I haven't seen him yet. Was it good? I'll tune in and we can compare notes

  15. i want to build an igloo!

    just started larson's first book...

  16. 1) I'm not coughing hard enough to make my eyeballs shoot out of my head and ricochet off the opposite wall more than once or twice a day.

    2) The horrific symptoms of my latest Disease From The Middle Ages have subsided almost entirely.

    3) The snow is thawing. I expect to see dancing centaurs and tree nymphs in my garden by tea time. Well, this is Wiltshire.

    4) I actually feel as though I might pick up a guitar at some point today and see how much my fingers bleed after weeks of non-interest in playing.

  17. As you say, curly-wurly are on special at Tesco's (great plug) what's there to be grumpy about?

  18. Brian ~ You can have mine if you like. It's now in a bucket

    JenJen ~ tis

    lbtw ~ Guitarist eh? Cool

    PW ~ Nothing! Happy time then

  19. It's hard to be grumpy when you are tossing your cookies all day as I have been lately. Too ill to feel grumpy! Must have been too much Christmas spirit but that means the only way is up! So look on the bright side. Leave the grumping to the experts (although Uber is getting way too happy recently).

  20. Hey 'Grumpy! Number 7 alone is worth a car trip. Every little helps, right? Indigo

  21. Uber, hell yes. Not especially brilliant but apparently a "rock solid" rhythm guitarist. Did I not mention my Rickenbacker 62012 on your blog yet? Heh.

    Lbtw on her iPhone

  22. I preferred the old Dr Who.

    Who can take a mere schoolboy seriously in the role?

  23. You can still jog or walk in the snow, I lived in Massachusetts once and ran all winter.


  24. BP ~ Well bro, if you're feeling grumpy, you've sure got an excuse

    Indigo ~ Hiya! indeed it is

    lbtw ~ Ricky 620-12! Awesome. You need to come and guest with our band sometime. Fancy it?

    Laura ~ Do you mean Jon Pertwee? I agree, although the Venusian Karate was a bit daft

    Secretia ~ Well that's my excuse for the last three months blown. Thank you very much. Hmph

  25. Really funny post Uber - I was in stitches!