Thursday, 19 November 2009

Doctor Who?

One of Belle's many fans
Who is Doctor Brooke Magnanti? Why, none other than Belle De Jour, the infamous £300-an-hour courtesan who has blogged her way to fame with detailed and very naughty accounts of her professional exploits. Apparently she got into this after running a bit short of cash for the old PhD. I'm kicking myself. When I was short of beer money at yoony I went and stacked shelves in Sainsburys, which is a much less fun way of doing your back in. But hats off1 to BdJ for a job well done.

Nevertheless, I for one am shocked. £300! And what were they doing for a whole hour? Negotiating? You have to feel a bit sorry for the punters who parted with their hard-earned readies for an illicit quickie, only to find their inadequacies plastered all over the blogosphere, with great wit, erudition, and detail. Explain that to the wife.

The good Doctor now works in developmental neurotoxicology and cancer epidemiology, where she is a respected specialist. I'll bet. How does she find time to develop all those neurotoxins between book signings, movie rights negotiations, and in-depth interviews? This is one serious over-achiever.

What's she got that I haven't got? It's taken me months to build up a modest following, and there isn't even a sniff of "UberGrumpy: The Movie" yet. A change of tack is needed. Perhaps I need to start blogging about my exploits between the sheets. I think I could raise an eyebrow or two.2

So watch out for my racy new blog. It'll be called "In Bed With UberGrumpy", and the first article will be "Surprise her with a curly-wurly". I'll post as regular as clockwork, once a month, except summer when it's too hot. And Christmas, when we're too tired after all the shopping.

1 - And trousers, presumably
2 - And not much else these days, if the truth be told


  1. £300 an hour - pah. I wouldn't get out of bed for £300 an hour!

  2. Haha, the curly wurly will do it every time.

  3. Just let Ubergrump loose on a pretty girl and he will work a curly-wurly in somehow...

  4. He's not coming near our egyptian cotton sheets with his curly wurly...

  5. you might want to rethink the title. it could be read as in bed with ug. not too appetizing...

  6. again - a curly wurly? really, UberGrumpy? really??

  7. Good on you "Wife" definately no curly wurlies- whether the sheets are Egyptian or not! I so look forward to your new blog (oo er missus!!!!) and can not wait for your blockbuster movie! Who will play the leading role?

  8. Uber, all I can say is, where the hell you get them curly-wurly things, i got a big party this weekend.

  9. Sarah - How about "GrumpyPumpy"? No, that's even worse. Damn

    Kate - Andy Sirkis, I think. Or George Clooney if he's available, and cheap

    Bob - I'll send you some!