Who, me? Yes, you
1. Cats can lick their own bottoms, and often do
2. Use of toilet paper is quite rare in the feline world
3. Cat poo does not smell very nice
4. Cats just love to sit on your lap
5. Cats have claws that are sharper than razor blades
6. Each cat has over 700 claws
7. Cats often use their claws to catch germ-infested vermin
8. When cats get on your lap, they instinctively bury their claws about an inch into your skin. They rarely hit an artery
9. Upholstery is really really expensive (not strictly a cat fact, obviously)
10. Cats need to keep their 700 claws sharp
11. You can buy purpose-bult scratching posts
12. But the bloody thing prefers to rip the back off your new leather recliner
13. When they're not licking their bottoms, cats like to lick the rest of themselves
14. Cats swallow a lot of fur and need to throw it up, often
15. New rugs are even more expensive than upholstery
16. Cats always throw up in the middle of the nearest rug
17. Cats like to spray their territory with pungent, sticky urine
18. Even female cats do this, we were unpleasantly surprised to discover
19. Cats can mistake your brand-new and very precious guitar amp for a territory marker
20. We no longer own a cat
Some useful online resources:
http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com
http://catrecipes.com/
http://www.simonscat.com/films.html
Excuse me Ubergrumpy, but who lets in the flea ridden mog from next door every five minutes...
ReplyDelete21. Somehow though, you're still very fond of them.
ReplyDelete22. Cats (and in fact small children too) have a built in sensor which enables them to trample genitalia with maximum efficiency.
23. Cats are the masters of the 'what?' look.
24. Cats are also masters of trigonometry - whatever you are doing, they can place themselves directly in between you and the target of your attentions.
Ding dong bell
ReplyDeletePuss is down the well
Un deux trois
Quatre cinq !
Sept et neuf ?
you say this, UberGrumpy, but you are one of the most patheticaly in love with cats people i know.
ReplyDeleteand p.s. so there.
Splendid. At last some serious science after that Hadron collider twaddle. Oops...
ReplyDelete25. The cat you had as a pet when a child is dead easy to look after and highly affectionate - the one you buy in a haze of misty remembrance is an evil bastard with an appetite to match Bernard Manning's and require a visit to the vet (£200 for that squire, I thank you) every two weeks.
ReplyDeleteCats are helping to save the environment and good at harbouring local community relations- by fertilising the neighbours garden. Lets here it for the plants!
ReplyDelete