Thursday, 26 November 2009

Goodbye, award, it's been real

Advanced astronaut training.
I never made it this far

I'm supposed to pass on the award I got the other day, so it goes to Kate Lightfoot. Kate runs a warm and chatty blog from a village in Spain and she never fails to cheer me up, although her recipes are making me chunky. And no, those aren't her real ears.

I am reminded that a condition of the award was to reveal seven things about yourself. A deal's a deal:

1. I have been in a succession of bands with dubious names; The Flying Bogeys, The Sensible Jerseys, The Puffy Daddies, and these days, Hot Rabbit, to name but a few. The Sensible Jerseys gave Billy Bragg his first gig at some godforsaken college in North London. He blew us off the stage. I then left and they promptly got a record deal

2. I was turned down for astronaut training because of claustrophobia, and a nasty propensity for haemarrhoids in zero-gravity situations. Since that fateful day, I have never been on one of those free-fall rides at Thorpe Park, Six Flags, etc

3. Whilst attending the Bolshoi ballet in Moscow, as you do, I once stood at the next urinal to Peter Gabriel. And no, I didn't take a sneaky look at his manly parts, I was too busy trying to look nonchalant. This is tricky when you're peeing, even though Frenchmen seem to manage very well. We ran into David Byrne of Talking Heads in the hotel lift that very same weekend

4. I started a software company in the UK and US on the very same day (with some buddies, obviously). Its first name was 'Harlequin' which here means 'witty and sharp', but which stateside turns out to mean 'buffoon'. We quickly changed it to MATRA which everyone then mistook for MARTA, the Atlanta so-called public transport system

5. I drive a shiny Jag-wah supercharged turbo nutter bastard, and a really beaten up old Nissan Primera, and I think on balance I prefer the Nissan, even though it's a bit smelly from taking garden rubbish to the dump. This is mainly because it has more seats, and it doesn't have those ludicrous alloy wheels that cost you a bazillion quid to fix if you brush up against an awkward obstacle, like, oh, a pedestrian, or Sainsburys

6. I cut my own hair, apart from the awkward curly-wurly bit at the back which my wife hilariously pretends to do, but actually leaves so the kids can have a good giggle. Ha! Didn't think I knew, did you?

7. While revealing facts about myself I always tell one lie. Or is it two?


  1. congrats on the award, and thanks for stopping by my blog! Hope youll drop by again soon!

  2. Congratulations, Urber! Hope you have a great day!
    Big Hugs!

  3. Oh my, I am (sniff,sniff) so proud to recieve this award (tear,appears in corner of eye). So unexpected, such a thrill. I thank you all from the heart of my bottom.
    No really- thank you Mr Curly Wurly. Thank you for reminding me of the "Bob's your uncle" saying. I don't have an Uncle Bob-I have an Uncle Bill and an Uncle Jack. Is Bob a long lost uncle? I should send him a Christmas card-he is family after all!
    Carrot and Ryvitta- you got to be kidding me. I did not realise you were a rabbit! Will try and think of something along those lines for tomorrows tit bit from Spain.
    So at the end of this week I have to tell you 7 things about me and pass on award (not sure how I do that-the pass on the award bit I mean)
    Ok- got to go and think carrots, ryvitta,recipe. Thank you and big Oscar style hugs and air kisses. Kate

  4. in several bands? how cool is that?! i can't wait to see your haircut. congrats!

  5. Such an exciting life you have led. Do I sense an autobiography coming on? I here JEdward are releasing theirs in time for the Christmas rush, it could be a page turner, if longer than one page. You need to address the issues of the moment, The Iraq inquiry for example. Blog on..

  6. I guess zero gravity could induce haemarrhoids, but wouldn't a free fall ride fix them again?

  7. Maybe, AgentB, but I just don't fancy finding out...

  8. Honestly, I don't see the point in BEING in a band if you're going to give it a SENSIBLE name. I've been in a few bands myself and I approve heartily of this practice.

    I drive an Oldsmobile and it looks like something a 70 year old man would drive, while wearing leather elbow patches and sensible shoes. But I like it. Plus no one's going to try and steal that thing... :)

  9. Congrats on your award!! I am going to read all of your posts with a British accent. Is that weird??
    I love your profile's freakin' cute! :)

  10. Congratulations on your award. I am so enjoying your blog and look forward to reading more.

  11. Congrats on the award my friendly. I am a newcomer to your blog, but it’s nice to see a fellow grumpy bastard getting the recognition we all deserve.

    Keep fighting the fight for miserable bastards everywhere!

  12. YOU DID NOT EVER NEVER WANT TO BE AN ASTRONAUT. aha, i knew it, UberGrumpy!

  13. VegeAssasssin ~ Cool! Fancy a trade?

    MiMi ~ Gosh, thank you, you're too awfully kind

    Marla ~ Thank you

    Dan. ~ Rock on!

    MinGrump ~ You got me

  14. Fact 6 is DEFINITELY true so I am plumping for fact..... 3 (you did actually take a sneaky look at Peter Gabriel's tackle)