Thursday 12 November 2009

Fat and happy



Sudoku schmudoku! Let's eat!
Check out this terrifically sexist article from the BBC, saying 'curvy' women (their words) are cleverer than skinny ones. I particularly like the way the article reports that 16,000 people were tested, but the Beeb, scientific to its luvvie core, affirms the research with a sample of one, the very lovely Nigella Lawson.

Bloody cheek. What about us guys? I have long suspected that as I get fatter I get more brilliant. And the effect is instant. Picture me this week, seduced by the secret addictive ingredient in McDonalds, wolfing down a Supersized Big Mac with conscience-salving Diet Coke. I'm loving it, I think as I tuck in. But two minutes later and five pounds heavier my eyes are opened! It's disgusting. (Belch).

The converse also applies; lose weight, lose wit. Many an evening I've hit the pub and come out a lot more bloaty, yet extraordinarily wise. But beer, alas, doesn't last, so I wake up feeling stupid, until I embark on my five a day.1

The government hasn't cottoned on yet. They're still trying to make people thinner. A brilliant new NHS scheme in Essex, obviously conceived by skinny doctors, is tackling obesity by giving people 50% off in the chippy if they choose the healthy option. What healthy option? Mushy peas? Pickled eggs?

So Gordon Brown's new jogging habit is a big mistake. He's losing his edge over that lightweight Cameron. Perhaps they should both move over; yield the Despatch Box to MPs with gravitas, gravity, and, er, gravy. I nominate Prescott and Pickles. Prime Minister's Questions will be a great deal livelier.2 Between them they'll soon sort out those imbecilic Fat Cats at the banks. Here, hold on a minute...


1 - Sausages
2 - And a lot shorter, as they'll need to stop for their afternoon curly-wurlies

13 comments:

  1. I Knew it! Where's that lardy cake?

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  2. Vidth and Visdom come together,
    the vider you get the viser you get.

    Samuel Veller, Pickvick Papers.
    Weal and Ham pie vas a particular favourite
    at the time.

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  3. I've just made a massive tiffin. Snacks round at mine...

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  4. Curvy women are definitely more intelligent and attractive - just look at Anne Widdecombe.

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  5. i don't know...we are getting fatter everyday, but i see more stupid things each day as well.

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  6. This is classic! Thanks for an interesting post. Have a great day

    http://happy-go-lucky-mylife.blogspot.com/
    http://darkmemories-happy-go-lucky.blogspot.com/

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  7. Funny stuff Grumpy! Makes me feel much better about the toasted muffin I'm about to have for breakfast!

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  8. Once again the grump misses the point! Fat people are happier because they are thin people who have a life - calorie counting - pah. I can put away 2500 kcals just for breakfast. Ok, so I have mobility problems and can't breath properly but who needs food police stress three times a day. Now where are my biccies...

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  9. Welcome back BalancedPaul! Your biccies are where you left them, next to the sweet cupboard

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  10. brilliant. so you won't mind if I help myself to your crunchies then? I feel an essay coming on...

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  11. Love it, love it, love it!!! Living in a tiny village in North East Spain I have been starved of British Sarcasm for tooooo long. The yokels here do not get my jokes or sarcastic comments and I am always puzzled, and somewhat disturbed, about what they find funny!Looking forward to reading more!!!!

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  12. Thanks Kate! BTW great picture - are those real whiskers?

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